Moving on to stage 8-15. Only 10 more stages to go, people, and it’s obvious that the developers are really pulling out all the stops now. It’s not hard to figure out what you have to do in today’s stage—key is in the bottom right, door is in the top left, etc.—but getting it done requires tremendous amounts of both dexterity and patience. In fact, no stage has challenged my thumbs or raised my blood pressure the way that this stage did. Let’s get started.

First things first: there’s a 1-Up heart exactly two platforms below you, hanging just above the pool of lava. I strongly suggest you go after it. In order to get to it, you’ll need to hitch a ride on one of the floating rocks which are moving right to left across the lava. Ride one of the rocks—one moves fast, the other moves slow—to the 1-Up. The idea here is to perform a handstand super-jump from the floating rock up to the platform above. Notice how the rock sinks beneath your weight the longer you remain on it? That’s OK, because this sinking gives you more room for you to maneuver into your handstand postion. This move will initially near-impossible to pull off, and, no doubt, most of your attempts will end with a lost Mario. My advice is to keep practicing this super-jump-off-a-floating-rock maneuver, and get that 1-Up, not only because it turns this stage into a zero-sum endeavor, but also because all of your super-jump-off-a-floating-rock practice will come in handy later on in the stage.

Once you have the 1-Up, trigger the portable spring power-up, and bounce your way back up to the ladder-connected platform above. Climb the ladder, then prepare yourself for a series of very tricky jumps. Normally, the game will ask you to perform tricky jumps one, maybe two at a time at most. Here, you’ll have to pull off no less than five in a row, all while suspended above a bed of bubbling lava. Now, this is not the time to s*** your pants and run in a circle. Get out there, keep after it, and trust me, you’ll eventually get through this. I did, and I’m probably not even half the gamer you are.

Jump one is to “The World’s Tiniest Conveyer Belt.” The belt will automatically start pushing you to the right, so be prepared. Once you’ve got Mario back under control, you’ll want to move as far as you can to the right, because doing so triggers one of our old, dear friends: the rising-falling monolith/makeshift elevator rock. Once the rock falls, jump from the conveyer belt to the rock (that’s jump two), then get ready to jump again to the upward-bound elevator (that would be jump three).

Once you’re on the elevator, just like you did on the conveyer belt, move as far to the right as you possibly can. This will trigger rising-falling monolith number two. Once it falls, hop onto its back (jump four). If you fall too far while making this jump, you’ll trigger the “broken leg” animation (Mario lays on the ground, paralyzed, with a leg twitching). Don’t panic. Let the animation run its course, get back on your feet, and get ready to make yet another hair-raising jump.

This jump (the fifth and final jump) is into an elevator shaft all the way to the right. The elevator doesn’t pass by all too often. And the shaft is too long (that’s what she said) for Mario to safely fall into. Do you see that bank of blocks on the farside of the shaft? Those are disappearers/vanishers. My advice: try to jump to those blocks, and in the split second (or two) of time that they will sustain you, a downward-moving elevator platform should pass by.

Once you’re at the bottom of the elevator shaft, you’ll see that you’re back down on the lower tier of lava in the stage, the same lava that features the pair of floating rocks. See the key, which is tucked away in a tiny cave above the lava bed? Hitch a ride on one of the floating rocks, then pull off yet another handstand super-jump up to the platform where the key is tucked away. Now aren’t you glad you practiced that super-jump-off-a-floating-rock maneuver earlier? I knew you would be.

Claim the key, then gird your loins for the grand finale of today’s stage. With the key in hand, step down onto the back of one of the passing rocks, and ride it all the way back to the area where the 1-Up was located. You’ll need to pull off two moves here in rapid succession:

1. You’ll need to hurl the key up to the platform above, and

2. you’ll need to pull off one final super-jump-off-a-floating-rock maneuver, in order to rejoin the key.

Once you have the key again, trigger the portable spring power-up, and toss the key onto it. Then, super-jump onto the spring, reclaiming the key. Together, you and the key will bound up—sprrrooooing—to the ladder-connected platform above. Breathe easy, because we’re most definitely in the homestretch now.

Jump up, hurling the key upward at the apex of your jump. It should land on the platform up near the exit door. Scamper up the ladder, grab the key, then treat yourself to the beverage of your choice. You’ve most definitely earned it today.