It’s time I introduced you to the concept of “Mario harvesting,” people. Donkey Kong (Game Boy, 1994) is structured so that gamers are offered save opportunities only once every four stages. These save points always come immediately after the boss stages, like the stage I happen to be playing through today. (See: the second half of this post.) I always feel a tangible sense of relief whenever I reach these save points. It’s reassuring to know that everything I’ve done, all the barrels I’ve jumped over or fleet-footed porcupines I’ve navigated around, wasn’t for naught. I survived four more levels of Donkey Kong damn it all, and now, thanks to this save point, my work will be recorded for posterity.
The notion of running out of Marios before reaching a save point—shudder—gives me such anxiety that the mere thought of it makes my underarms start to moist up. My fear of depleting my Mario reserves is so great that whenever I do reach a save point, and the game asks me if I’d like to save my game—the words “YES” and “NO” appear on the screen—I laugh at the fact that the game even offers a “NO” option. Because who in his right mind would say, “You know what? Thanks so much for the opportunity to save my progress, ensuring that I’ll never have to do all the incredible things I just did ever again, but I’m going to have to pass”?
Which is why I dedicate a little bit of time each week to doing some “Mario harvesting.” Mario harvesting involves going to back to earlier stages of the game—ideally stages that are rich in 1-Ups—and replaying them in the name of beefing up my Mario reserves. Simply pick a section of the game that’s easy enough for you to complete—quit out to the title screen, go to your saved game, and you’re given access to all of your completed stages from there—then run through your chosen section a second (or third, or fourth) time. There’s no limit to how many times you visit any or all of your previously completed stages, and therefore no limit to how many Marios you can have in your reserves.
Going back to these previously completed stages—stages which might have given me a headache, thumb-ache, or both at an earlier juncture of the game—and breezing through them is empowering. Watching those Mario 1-Ups roll in at the end of each four-stage section of the game is akin to watching someone put extra ketchup on your fries. Personally, I like to keep at least 30 or more Marios in my Mario reserve. I realize it sounds more than a little silly, but whenever that number dips into the 20’s, I know it’s time once again for me to get busy with some Mario harvesting.
And now it’s time for stage 8-8. Well, well, well, if it isn’t another showdown with that old rat-bastard, Donkey Kong. The layout for today’s stage is about as simple as a layout can be: D.K. and Pauline are at the top of a two-tiered structure and Mario is at the bottom. In between are two rather expansive beds of sharpangles—one on the bottom, and one on the middle tier—and a pair of ladders. Instead of traditional barrels, D.K. is hurling boulders from his stage-top perch. These boulders are deadly to Mario. But if your timing is right, you can also use the boulders as a mode of transportation. Let’s begin.
Stand at the very edge of the large bed of sharpangles before you. Do not attempt to jump it. It is too vast to jump. (Trust me, I know. I tried to jump it like a damn fool. Now I know what Evel Knieval felt when he tried to jump Snake River Canyon.) Wait at the edge of the sharpangle pit until a boulder comes rolling up behind you. At the last possible moment, jump into the air, land on top of the boulder, and ride it like you’re a trained bear at the circus.
Let the boulder carry you across the bed of deadly sharpangles. While you are enjoying your boulder ride, press up on the directional pad and hold it. When Mario and the boulder reach the ladder on the far side of the bottom tier, Mario will automatically begin climbing up the ladder.
Welcome to the middle tier of today’s stage. Note the large bed of sharpangles ahead of you, and the ladder that’s planted in the dead center of it. Wait at the edge of the bed of sharpangles for another boulder to come up behind you. When one arrives, board it, then quickly press up on the d-pad again, so that you’ll automatically start climbing the ladder that’s stranded in the bed of sharpangles.
Once you’ve arrived on the top tier, keep an eye out for incoming boulders—perform Mario-style leaps over them—and head straight for Pauline. As soon as you reach her, D.K. snatches her away, and the two of them vanish through the top of the screen. Press the “Stand There And Look Dopey” button. Oh, wait. There is no “Stand There And Look Dopey” button. Mario simply does that automatically at the end of these boss-style showdowns.
Totals for this section:
Stage 8-5: 89 seconds.
Stage 8-6: 91 seconds.
Stage 8-7: 129 seconds.
Stage 8-8: 168 seconds.
Grand total: 477 seconds. Number of Marios in my reserve: 24. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to harvest some Marios.
