Last day of the Game Developers Conference. Between appointments this week, as we’re hauling our equipment around San Francisco from hotel to hotel and booth to booth, talk between me and my camera man/producer Enzo, without fail, turns to food.

“Did you try the danish back there?”

“I didn’t. I had the cranberry muffin instead.”

“You should have tried the danish.”

“Well, the cranberry muffin was pretty good, too.”

“Was it?”

“Yep.”

“Man, I should have had one of those.”

We discuss, at great length, which companies and which game demos offered food and drinks (Havok gave us gourmet tunafish sandwiches on Wednesday) and which ones didn’t (we assumed there would be coffee at our 9 a.m. appointment yesterday for The Amazing Spider-man; we assumed wrong). Then we assess the quality–or lack of quality, in some cases–of said food and drinks like a couple of cynical restaurant critics.

“That scone was flakey on the outside, but stale in the center.”

“I agree. When did they bake that thing? 2009?”

Sometimes we’ll show up for an appointment and the food table will be so ravaged by other convention attendees that we’ll wonder if wild bears have come through here recently. Other appointments, we’ll find neatly-stacked piles of candy and pyramids of soft drinks as far as the eye can see. Yesterday, I drank a Pepsi for the first time in six months. “It’s so good!” I said after my first sip. Enzo tore open a bag of Pepperidge Farms cheese crackers, leaned his head back, and poured the contents into his mouth.

Good times.

On Tuesday, I ate a Butterfinger at my Sony appointment that might have been the best candy bar I’ve ever had in my life. We had a long, appointment-filled day ahead of us. Who could say when we’d see a bounty like this again? So, once the demo was over, like kids on Halloween, we grabbed more candy bars and crammed them into our equipment bags. Then we headed for the elevator and back down to the street, off to our next appointment.

Gather ’round, children, and let me tell you the story of stage 7-5. Large, pointy icicles rain down from the ceilings in today’s tiny (it consists of a mere single screen) but danger-packed stage. The curious thing about these icicles: once they’ve hit the ground, they remain there for a few extra seconds, creating makeshift platforms for Mario to use. Also, these icicles are apparently sentient and know when Mario is near. In other words, they will not fall from the ceiling unless Mario is within their killing distance.

You begin the level in the lower lefthand corner, right next to the exit door. In front of you: a bed of sharpangles, falling icicles, and a roaming walrus. Use the tops of the fallen icicles–you always know when they’re about to fall because they quiver a bit–to cross the bed of sharpangles. Don’t concern yourself too much with the walrus. As long as you are on top of the icicles, you’re safe from his snaggletoothed charges.

Once you’ve reached the far side of the bed of sharpangles, you’ll need to use a super jump (Pro Tip: do a handstand on top of the pair of icicles you’re currently standing on) to reach the raised platform. Once you’re up there, leap onto the trapeze/electrical wire, making sure to grab on. Press up on the directional pad to get Mario spinning. Once he’s got a head of steam going, launch him upwards and to the left, so that he lands on the stage’s central platform.

Up here you have to contend with more falling icicles, which you’ll need to use as you make your way to the left, across a second bed of sharpangles. I tell you, jumping from icicle to icicle is a truly thrilling moment. After each successful jump, I’d think, Boy, I didn’t think I was going to make that. Phew! Be careful here, make your jumps count, but most importantly, enjoy that thrill. Because that thrill is what playing videogames is all about.

When you’re on the far side of the bed of sharpangles, grab the key, then walk over to the strange-looking row of ice blocks on the left. These are “Disappear-ers,” because these blocks turn into vapor wisps once you’ve stepped on them. Allow yourself to fall back down through the Disappear-ers to–oh, guess where?–your original starting point. You’ll likely lose your grip on the key during the long fall. No matter. Simply re-collect the key, then head for the exit door. Boom, done.