I’m in San Francisco this week attending the Game Developers Conference. I’m staying at the Villa Florence on Powell Street, a block away from the street car turnaround.

This is quite the place. I love the narrow, winding hallways and the Murtaugh elevator, which without fail drops me off on the seventh floor with a “I’m getting too old for this s***” sigh. And I love my room. It’s tiny, with faded carpeting, a creaky bed, a threadbare robe (marked “PROPERTY OF VILLA FLORENCE”), and warm, low lighting. It’s a little rundown, sure, but it has enough character to make me see the rundown bits–like the dilapidated desk chair I’m sitting in as I type this, and which probably would be more at home in the city dump–as “charming” more than anything else. It’s the sort of place that a character in an Raymond Chandler novel would no doubt enjoy holing up in.

I also love the Villa Florence because it’s the hotel where I interviewed Shigeru Miyamoto a few years back. I remember being ushered into a small, stuffy conference room with Miyamoto and his translator. I was a nervous wreck. Not helping matters: I’d eaten a wedge of honeydew that morning that had not agreed with me. Miyamoto sat there, his hands folded in front of him, looking up at me. He was smaller than I expected him to be. He blinked a few times. You are in the same room with Shigeru Miyamoto, I thought to myself. After a several awkward moments of silence, it suddenly dawned on me that he and his translator were patiently waiting for my first question.

I don’t remember exactly what he said, or what I said during our time together. What I do remember is this: that it was a good day.

Here’s hoping that I have a few more of those kinds of good days this week.

Time for stage 7-3, also known as “The Mysterious Case of the Mysterious Exit Door.” The exit door is not visible in this level, so in order to find it, you’ll have to either, 1. use your well-honed Donkey Kong instincts, or 2. pay attention to where Pauline’s cartoon bubble “Help!” bleats are coming from during the “Hello and Welcome to the Stage” camera pan that happens at the start of every stage.

On the upper tier of the stage you’ve got a classic shutter-key-switch combination. In order to reach the ladder on the far right side of the screen which can take Mario up to the switch, you’ll need to cross an epic bed of sharpangles. The only way across: three stationary ice blocks, with each one being patrolled by pairs of walrus enemies traveling in clockwise loops. Per usual in Donkey Kong, don’t fret too much about coming into contact with these enemies. They’re more likely to distract you during a dangerous jump from one block to another than they are to outright kill you. In fact, a better title for this game might be Donkey Kong: Nothing Is Ever Really All That Dangerous.

Once you’ve crossed the bed of sharpangles, climb up the ladder, where you will encounter the most morose pair of penguins you have ever seen. No kidding, these two look like they just found out that they didn’t get call-backs for Happy Feet 3. You can easily jump over the morose penguins–which, by the way, sounds like a pretty good name for a rock band, but it’s really not–or you can murder them by hurling the key at them. No, it’s not a moral choice on par with the choices you make in the Mass Effect games. But me? I murdered them, mostly because I wanted to see if I could. After I did, I felt a little terrible about it. So, if you want to feel a little terrible today, kill that pair of perfectly harmless penguins with a giant key.

The switch in the penguin area un-shutters the shutter, so you and your new traveling companion, Mr. Key, must now make your way to the left of the upper tier. Drop down via the platforms, where you will realize that you and the key must now cross the bed of sharpangles a second time. Using the walrus-covered ice blocks, make three relatively careful jumps. Any collisions with the walruses could jar the key loose, which means you’d need to head back upstairs to the Morose Penguin Habitat and fetch it again.

Once you’re on the far side of the bed of sharpangles, walk over to the invisible exit door, which triggers the “End of Stage” music.