The D.I.C.E. Summit, the game industry’s first gathering of the year, is over. I’m packing my things and leaving Las Vegas behind this morning, another convention in the books. This is about my one millionth convention. That’s how it feels sometimes anyway.

“D.I.C.E. Summit” has always struck me as a funny name for this thing. It somehow sounds both sleazy and classy at once. “D.I.C.E.” is a very unfortunate acronym. But wait, here comes “summit,” hot on its heels, to class things up a bit. “Summit” implies that we’ve gathered together in some lofty place, on a mountain top above the commoners. In reality, we’ve gathered in a series of stuffy ballrooms at a mid-level casino resort that has two remarkable features: a decent steak house and a ventilation system so technologically advanced that people can chain-smoke Marlboros and fart with impunity.

These trips are always a mixed bag. There are flurries of activity followed by extended periods of waiting and uncertainty. There are adrenaline rushes followed by brain-numbing boredom. And there are emotions involved, too. I see people at these things that I’ve known for a decade, people who I only see on rare occasions, like this. You never know who is around the next corner, or who is going to emerge from the crowd of people up ahead. There were lots of hugs over the last couple days. Man, even at my advanced age, I still underestimate the power of hugs from old friends. I confess, I teared up at least twice. Once for Max, of course. And once because I was overwhelmed by the love I was feeling for so many of these people. Sure, some of these people are assholes. But most are among the finest people I’ve ever met, bar none.

So I’ll cram all of my stuff into a couple of duffel bags, leave behind a few dirty towels on the hotel room floor, then head to the airport.

Stage 4-9. Today we’ve got three tiers of action spread across a couple of pan-and-scan gameplay screens. The exit door is at the very bottom of the level. The key is on the middle tier behind a shuttered barrier. Also worth noting: there are two lever-type switches, one of which must open the previously mentioned shuttered barrier. But the big stars of the level have to be the limp-tailed monkeys. There are no less than five limp monkey tails that can be used as moving vines/danglers.

Let’s begin.

I head for the low-hanging dangler at the bottom of the screen, grab it, then wait for one of the pair of patrolling monkeys, pacing on the platform above me, to come close enough so that I can grab one of their tails. I grab the first tail, then hang on as the monkey carries me within arm’s length of the second tail. I grab that, then ride it all the way to the left side of the middle tier of the screen. I climb up a couple of ladders, to the top tier, where there are three more limp monkey tails for me to fool around with. Here’s where things got a little dicey for me.

First, before going any further, I push the nearby switch to lift a barrier on the platform above me. This turns the monkeys loose, and allows them to patrol the entire length of the upper platform. This also allows me to tail-ride all the way across the screen, to the right, where another switch is waiting for me.

Once I reach this switch, I pull it, and note that the barrier that was previously preventing me from reaching the key in the middle tier is now gone. Which is great. Except I have a new problem: I have a small moat of sharpangles to cross, in order to get out of this cul de sac. It can’t be jumped, a fact I learned the hard way. Out of options and unsure where to turn next, I start fooling with the switch again, and notice that not only does it retract the barrier next to the key, it also extends a bridge for the limp-tailed monkeys on the platform above me.

What I do is this: I wait for one of the monkeys to be halfway across the bridge, then I pull the switch. He falls–ha, ha!–and lands on his head, then rights himself. And when he does, voila, his limp tail drops down, giving me a way across the moat of sharpangles. If all of this sounds complicated, well, it is. If you get lost, refer to the above diagram for reference. It should help. I hope.

Yes, this is the moment when this level’s back is broken. The rest is academic. I backtrack, grab the key, and head for the door. We’re done for the day, people.