A few days before my Arrival, it occurred to me that I’d never actually delivered Santa’s trademark greeting—the “ho-ho-ho”—before in my life. I panicked, imagining myself stepping down from my antique fire truck, a sack of toys thrown over my shoulder, with dozens of children flocking around me the same way that women always flocked to Rod Stewart in his MTV videos. Then, I’d take a deep breath, rear back, open my mouth, and nothing—not a sound—would come out. (more…)