After two weeks of cloudy, post-eye surgery vision, after not being able to do any sort of real gaming for what felt like an eternity, I suddenly experienced a craving to play something–anything. The craving was borderline primal. It would not be denied. All I wanted, more than anything else in the world, was to sit in my New York City apartment for one stinking night and consume vast quantities of videogames. Was that too much to ask? I didn’t think it was.

Problem was, most of my games and all of my consoles had been shipped west months ago. Even my PlayStation 2 Slim had been shipped west. I cursed myself out. Why would you ship out your PS2 Slim? What good is it doing anyone in a closet in British Columbia when it could be here, tonight, bringing you so much joy? You fool!

Then I remembered that there was a GameStop within walking distance of my place, just a few blocks north, on 82nd Street. No doubt it had plenty of used PS2 Slims in stock. I could probably pick one up for pocket change. I put on my coat, then struck out into the night. I was a man on a mission.

As soon as I walked in the front door of the GameStop, a voice in my head–the same voice that always speaks to me whenever I walk into a GameStop–said, “Turn back. There is nothing here for you.” The store was about as crowded as a store could be. A line of confused customers stretched from the cash register all the way to the very back of the store. A baby screamed from somewhere. A man with a spider tattoo on his neck spoke excitedly into a cellphone in Spanish. The three cashiers behind the counter looked like confused mice running on an exercise wheel.

I stood there for a moment, experiencing one of those terrible GameStop limbos, not sure how to proceed. I tried to gauge the severity of my game craving. Was it severe enough to deal with this? I imagined the walk home along the wet sidewalks, imagined returning to my apartment empty handed, imagined getting through the night–my final night in New York, and the last night of my holidays, really–without videogames.

F*** it, I thought. Then I waded out into the throng.

Time for us to make a run at stage 5-11. Today’s level feels less like a desert or pyramid-themed level and more like a weirdly claustrophobic fish tank. There is a switch at the very top of the stage which you can reach by arranging the three portable square blocks into a makeshift climbable area for Mario. This switch, a.k.a. switch one, opens a pair of shutters–one on the left, one on the right–which give you access to Pauline’s umbrella and flowery hat. Only go up here if you want or need the umbrella and hat. Otherwise, your time and energy is better spent on the bottom area of the screen.

The key and the exit door are located inside a pair of sealed off chambers in the center of the screen. How do you unseal them? That’s easy: climb down one of the two ladders–left or right, doesn’t matter–then hit the second switch. This releases both the key and the door chambers. But,  it also has the unfortunate side effect of sealing off the area you are currently standing in. Indeed, shutters–exactly like the steel ones that Korean delis use in New York when they close for the night–roll down on either side, trapping you in. If this was a spy movie, poison gas would come from the vents in this moment.

Yes, this is a conundrum. And like most if not all conundrums, it is annoying. Also potentially adding to your woes: the strange crab-like creatures which scurry about the level. There are two on the inside, and one more–for some unknown reason–on the exterior of the stage. If one gets sealed inside the conundrum chamber with you, it’s likely to result in a quick game-over.

I wish the solution for this “puzzle” was logical. It’s not. Here’s what you do: at the start of the level, before you head down the left (or right) ladder to switch two, trigger one of the portable blocks. Arrange it so that it’s on one of the hollowed out squares where one of the shutters can descend from. Then, quickly head below, trigger switch two, and if you did this correctly, the shutter where you placed the block will jam up, and will remain jammed for the rest of the stage.

With the door and key chambers now open, and with your exit clearly marked by the jammed shutter, I think you know what to do from here, folks.